Mr Enchilada

2004-04-01T03:01:00.000-08:00

2004-03-09T00:10:00.000-08:00

edumacatedgood: well its basically that there is no free choice
edumacatedgood: its just an illusion
edumacatedgood: cuz if ur put in the exact same situation twice, i believe ud do the same thing
Lorddude01: wouldn't that be because your though processes would lead you to the same conclusiona and choice?
edumacatedgood: but see its just the output of ur thought process
edumacatedgood: think of it like
edumacatedgood: if u have a function
edumacatedgood: u have an input and an output
edumacatedgood: the same input always results in the same output
edumacatedgood: the function doesnt choose anythin
edumacatedgood: it just processes
Lorddude01: i see what you're saying
Lorddude01: well, wouldn't that only be true then if we all followed logic
edumacatedgood: to us some decisions seem illogical
edumacatedgood: but given the person's background
edumacatedgood: it is logical
edumacatedgood: it only seems like a free choice because so many choices and inputs are made
edumacatedgood: oh yea and i think that when u go down deep enough, everythin is binary
Lorddude01: i see, and so we're programmed as we grow up?
edumacatedgood: yea
Lorddude01: a lot by our parents who have already been programmed
edumacatedgood: well it doesnt matter taht they were already programmed
edumacatedgood: but ur just the product of ur environment and ur heredity
edumacatedgood: both of which r just inputs
Lorddude01: ok
Lorddude01: so then free will is just the name given to the fact that you're allowed to take in the inputs then give your output
edumacatedgood: yes
Lorddude01: this is true
Lorddude01: but we still like to have this free will as opposed to someone else making a decision and forcing it on us
edumacatedgood: how so
edumacatedgood: u have no control over what u do
Lorddude01: i guess you would say someone else making a decision that includes us would just be input for us
edumacatedgood: yea
edumacatedgood: if i kick u
edumacatedgood: its an input for u
Lorddude01: so would you say that no decision we make is random?
edumacatedgood: no decision
edumacatedgood: and just so u know
edumacatedgood: randomness would also constitute a lack of free choice
Lorddude01: i see
edumacatedgood: actually tahts kinda a paradox
edumacatedgood: free choice means its not predictable
edumacatedgood: which would imply randomness
edumacatedgood: but randomness implies a lack of control over the output
Lorddude01: but if it's just a function, then wouldn't the output be predictable from certain inputs?
edumacatedgood: if u know the function
edumacatedgood: the function is unknown
edumacatedgood: think of it this way
Lorddude01: no, i gotcha
edumacatedgood: ok
Lorddude01: because if we knew the functions, then we would know exactly what was going to happen and life would lose its novelty
edumacatedgood: well thats not the reason
edumacatedgood: the function is too complicated
edumacatedgood: i mean an nth degree polynomial requires n inputs and their results
Lorddude01: i see
edumacatedgood: and there r so many inputs
edumacatedgood: that theres no way to precit the function
Lorddude01: i do agree that we will provide a certain output for certain input in all cases w/the exact same input
Lorddude01: that makes me think of two levels to the self
edumacatedgood: how so
Lorddude01: the outer where we're allowed to process so we have that "free will", then the inner in which you said we're binary that's set
Lorddude01: but we don't have very much access to the inner
Lorddude01: but the inner does change over time
edumacatedgood: ur really set on this free choice
edumacatedgood: oh yea and theres also, if there is a god, there is no free will
Lorddude01: yeah, that's definitely there
Lorddude01: do you think that the function stays the same?
edumacatedgood: hmm
edumacatedgood: yea
Lorddude01: so if i make a decision, then see the results, then have to make a choice exactly like that one, the results i saw would be input
edumacatedgood: yes
edumacatedgood: of course if u do somethin twice what happened the first time affects ur choice the second time
Lorddude01: i just keep seeing the results as somehow becoming part of the function instead of just input
Lorddude01: so you're just saying the way things are processed, not the processes themselves remains the same
edumacatedgood: ok if u stick a fork in a wall socket
edumacatedgood: u get shocked
edumacatedgood: the next time u consider it
edumacatedgood: u have that knowledge from past experience
Lorddude01: ok, let
Lorddude01: let's get back to the big picture
Lorddude01: accepting that there is no free will because of what you explained, is there any way there could be free will among us?
edumacatedgood: what do u mean
Lorddude01: let's take away the function
Lorddude01: all i could see to take its place would be randomness
Lorddude01: could anything else take its place
edumacatedgood: hmm
edumacatedgood: sorry bout that i had to help my friend
edumacatedgood: well randomness in itself is a function
Lorddude01: yes, you do put something in and it'll give something out
edumacatedgood: u know i doubt the existence of free choice period
edumacatedgood: if it is predictable it is not free
edumacatedgood: and if it is random it is not free
edumacatedgood: true?
Lorddude01: in the sense that you're talking about yes
Lorddude01: go deeper into if it is predictable then it's not free
edumacatedgood: it goes along the same line as if there is a god there is no free choice
edumacatedgood: its the same argument
edumacatedgood: do u need that argument?
Lorddude01: go ahead and lay it out
edumacatedgood: ok if god exists
edumacatedgood: god is omnipotent and knows everythin
edumacatedgood: so he knows what u will do
edumacatedgood: if he knows what u will do
edumacatedgood: u can do nothing else
edumacatedgood: thus u only have one choice
edumacatedgood: which is not free choice
edumacatedgood: u want an analogy?
Lorddude01: naw, i'm good
edumacatedgood: so u agree with that?
Lorddude01: yes
edumacatedgood: and along the same line, u cant b predictable
Lorddude01: and so if the function has the same input, the same output will result and so it is predictable
edumacatedgood: yes, well not even considerin the function
edumacatedgood: just period u cant b predictable
edumacatedgood: now u cant b random because then theres no point in the freedom
edumacatedgood: correct?
Lorddude01: yes
edumacatedgood: so u have to b somewhere in between
edumacatedgood: right?
Lorddude01: yes
edumacatedgood: if ur somewhere specific in between, ur once again predictable
Lorddude01: i see
edumacatedgood: and to an extent ur also random
edumacatedgood: to me its like u cannot b neither random nor predictable
edumacatedgood: cuz if ur predictable
edumacatedgood: u have one course of action
edumacatedgood: if ur random u have many courses of action
edumacatedgood: and even if the random isnt a uniform distribution
edumacatedgood: it will b the sum of uniform distributions
Lorddude01: ok
Lorddude01: so then take these two perspectives
Lorddude01: i have no free will because of all this, then i look to others and i do not know how they work, their function, so to me they would be neither random nor predictable until i knew their function
Lorddude01: but assuming i know everyone, then there is no free will
edumacatedgood: no
edumacatedgood: there is the illusion of free will to u
edumacatedgood: can u make a decision that is not random or predictable in any way
Lorddude01: no, because i know how i work
edumacatedgood: what do u mean
Lorddude01: so if i decide on something it is predictable
Lorddude01: to me
edumacatedgood: no like as a function
Lorddude01: no, i can't
edumacatedgood: so then how do u have free choice
Lorddude01: yes i see
Lorddude01: i still cling on to a different label for free choice as being allowed to make the choice that is not actually free
Lorddude01: but i agree with what you have said
edumacatedgood: what do u mean not actually free
Lorddude01: not actually free because it's either predictable or random
edumacatedgood: but how is it free choice
edumacatedgood: what definition of free choice makes it possible
Lorddude01: oh, ok
Lorddude01: yes, then the label would be wrong
Lorddude01: so the value i have for it would be that i, myself, am providing the output
edumacatedgood: as is everythin in the world
edumacatedgood: so u and a piece of dirt r the same
edumacatedgood: see evolution says people like me should die
Lorddude01: you mean quicker than normal?
edumacatedgood: cuz people who believe what i believe dont have much to keep them goin
Lorddude01: yes
Lorddude01: but i don't think what you have said defeats life
edumacatedgood: of course not
edumacatedgood: but i mean thats y religion is so prominent
edumacatedgood: it makes people keep goin
Lorddude01: yes it does, it makes people feel pretty good about being alive
Lorddude01: in an easy way
edumacatedgood: yea
Lorddude01: but considering we have a limited time here, i wonder how much of it i should use trying to figure life out
edumacatedgood: haha true
edumacatedgood: id just live it

2004-02-24T23:50:00.000-08:00

Well, I've started my own booze business. I'm supplying a small amount here at UCSD. My kind of business.

2004-02-06T08:35:00.000-08:00

wow, it's been so long, well i'm supposed to be studying for a calculus midterm but i am a lazy, lazy man. Plus, I found this wonderful thingy on nick's site. the bastard. and by wonderful i mean mildly interesting. plus, i beat him. 13%, ha!

create your own visited states map

road trips are fun.
and i have no idea where all my paints are, if any of you have them please inform me. I would just like to know where they are.

chris' dark templars are pretty cool. the jerk.

Come on baby, don't fear the reaper...

2003-10-28T02:18:00.000-08:00

hey, you bastards.

naw, i'm not mad, i just wanted to say that. anyway, my dad canceled the compuserve account so i can no longer use mrenchilada on aim. i am extremely sad. so from now on i'll be using Lorddude01. i wonder who still remembers the days of lorddude99. yeah. that used to be my name back in the day. so tell friends, neighbors, and parents. by the way send me an im saying you know my new name cuz i lost my buddylist and i need to get all your names back.

on a different note, big fire here. actually three big fires. san diego has been officially deemed a disaster area. how i wish i had bought a car cover when i had the chance. school closed monday and tuesday. ha, take that all you losers not going to school in san diego. if ucsd burns i really wonder how they'll take care of us students.

2003-10-13T23:55:00.000-07:00

you know what, i feel left out. i tell you, i get on this internet so that people would notice me and what do i get? nothing. sure, everyone else gets these incredibly witty and brilliant attacks on their site, but when harold wants to be cool, he gets nothing. i mean what's even the point of writing on a blog if no one is going to slander your name. fucking clown shoes.

2003-10-02T22:55:00.000-07:00

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who standing looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

i'm driving back to the lb tomorrow late afternoon and staying til saturday. i truly have missed it. hopefully my return will end this downcast mood as well as this lenghty illness. i am dumb.

Damn.

2003-09-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

i bought the tv! 27" flat screen! ROCK!

2003-09-20T03:26:00.000-07:00

i'm gonna kill all you fucks

wait, that just kinda came out cuz i was thinking about jay and silent bob. anyway, it's 3 in the morning and i'm not done packing. actually i stopped around 7 and got home at 2:30. saw some of the good old buddies and said see ya later to em. i don't think of this as a big goodbye because sd is pretty close by and i'll be back pretty frequently. the only people it's actually a goodbye for are the parents. it's funny cuz everyone is leaving this house, not just me. and everyone is going their separate ways. what a life. well, i'm ready to go to college and meet some people. i have no fear or anxiety about it. i guess i feel like running away at this point.

time to let my ambition take over. i said i'd actually do stuff in college since it's not so much bs as high school. maybe i'll surprise a few people.

well, time to go. i've gotten to know just about everything about this area. i'll have to do the same w/la jolla. it's been some very fun times. as well as some bad, but that's how it goes. thanks to my friends. you're all good guys. even the girls. your'e all welcome down at my dorm. my cell number is still the same but it won't work until i get my new phone in the mail which could take a few days. if you have anything terribly important to tell me or you're just bored, send me an email: hmontano@ucsd.edu.

gettin rich quick is the only concern

2003-09-11T16:42:00.000-07:00

everybody, i think all the stuff being written is hilarious. when i read brit's entry, i laughed, when the i read that other site made against her, i laughed. i would say stop to everyone but it's just too damn funny, so keep it up people. i'm entertained. and i'm not being sarcastic, i really do think it's hilarious. and the bit about the anatomy, well i'm one of those guys who likes to be comfortable with the person for me to go. i'm sorry if i think of it as something special.

2003-09-10T21:06:00.000-07:00

hah, i come home to so much bullshit. well, for everyone that doesn't know, my parents are getting divorced. we're selling the house, splitting the stuff, and getting the hell away from each other. hmmm, what else... people are stupid... well, we already know that. it was so peaceful up in utah. whatever, fuck everything.

i hope a lot of people hate me cuz now they should be celebrating.

2003-08-28T01:59:00.000-07:00

ok people, interesting story. as i walked into my bathroom i dropped my phone into the toilet. it was like the phone wanted to go in, something was pulling it in. lucky for me, it was clean water. i reached in and got it out, but i don't know if it'll make it. so for now call my house: 424-3284. hilarious stuff. and looks like i'm going on a road trip w/my white friend next week.

2003-08-21T00:08:00.000-07:00

so i'm back into ucsd. i'm sick, feel like hell at nights. things inside my home are very awkard and messed up. there will be some big change, so if you're here and you notice anything strange don't ask. i'll tell you in due time. this summer has been filled with trouble, not to say there hasn't been anything good. i'm moving to san diego on the 21st of september or someday soon after. let's see how things end up

2003-08-01T03:30:00.000-07:00

What a terrible fate to spend summer without a set job or hobby. The seemingly infinite amount of leisure time begins to take it's toll, especially if you don't get out much. I have so much time to think. I think all the time. Thinking doesn't exactly make you happier. We need distractions. Something that you think is worthy of your time and effort. Everything seems pointless and temporary. Also, it does not seem right to just go off on distractions rather than really think about life. It seems like drinking beer to forget about your problems and calm your woes. But you think and you think and you get nowhere. So thinking isn't everything, a lot of it is feeling and emotion. So I guess you have to put all three aspects together: mental, emotional, and physical. Each of these could negate the others in some cases. The only thing is that the emotional aspect is completely illogical and the physical aspect often has it's absurdities. But they must both be accepted because we need them.

Many times I have things like these to talk about with people, but I do not because I see them satisfied with how they are. I fear these thoughts could disrupt their lives. I don't just want to bust into some happy person's life and start trying to tear down their beliefs. At the same time, I want to know how they try to achieve happiness. So the result is you get to talk to the people who are not very happy but stay away from those who are nearer to it. interesting eh?

is any of this interesting or is it obvious?

2003-07-29T00:57:00.000-07:00

mr. gray, the counselor at poly (the best school, unlike that crappy lakewood), is awesome. he really is a hilarious guy. i love him. yes, i love him. and yes i love you. yes, you the reader. i love you. if you were here in my room i would give you the either the most heterosexual hug of your life or the most homosexual hug of your life.

could i possibly be gay. i've talked to a couple people about this and they've said no way in hell. and yeah, i would have to agree. even if i wanted to be gay, i don't think they'd let me. i'd be kicked out so quick. hahahaha.

ok, so i was forced into writing this entry. i have to write that i'm happy and i love the world. well, i don't love all the world, but i am happier than previous times. and what i said above still goes, unless you're asian or white. so good times. oh yeah, and my money is running low. hahaha. my dad left for mexico and didn't leave me any. first time he's ever done that. oh well, time to be more of a hobo. or steal.

Mr Enchilada: oh my gosh
Mr Enchilada: i love you
ShockX394: lol
Mr Enchilada: take me now!
ShockX394: shut up harold
ShockX394: not now

2003-07-22T16:21:00.000-07:00

i walk the jungle with my balls showin - redman

i hope i end up in san diego, but i may end up at city. at least i'll see friends here. so much uncertainty.

i need more humor in my life. i may make others laugh but i cannot do it to myself.

hard times make you grow, make you mature, make you lose your carefree nature. you have seen it happen and you can see it now. how are you?

2003-07-13T00:07:00.000-07:00

last night i played poker with some guys. people got there late so robby, danny, billy, (interesting how they all have double letters in their names) and i decided to play before the main tournament. bad idea for danny and me. i wasn't really putting forth my best effort. i wasn't thinking about the game at all, so i pretty much just started giving away my money. same thing when the other guys got there. overall, i'm down some cash. and we didn't even play dice. at 3 am the winner took the $140 pot. we headed to jack in the box for some grub. then watched tears of the sun. pretty good movie, very gruesome. i still have a hankerin' for lord of the rings: fellowship. been a while since i sat down to those 3 hours. so when the movie ended, we realized it was dawn. drove home half-asleep and tried to sleep, but it wasn't very good sleep. got woken up by the gardeners. need to get some good sleep tonight.

today, went to borley-san's house for his birthday. that borley, good guy. just kinda messed up that brandon didn't show up. he better have a damn good excuse. but it was a good time overall and i brought home some food. oh yeah, i also started alex b and derek m, as well as some other people, on some dice action. i think i made about $1.50 cuz we were just doing small stakes.

life is alright. just got put up to another challenge. pretty big too but i'll see what happens. besides that, everything else is pretty good. just trying to have fun and be happy. saw some people at borey's that i hadn't seen since school ended and that was pretty cool. need to keep in touch w/a lot of em cuz they're cool people.

peace to you my friends

2003-07-03T19:22:00.000-07:00

i'm going to texas tomorrow til tuesday. i don't know what else to write...
it's funny, i feel like doing some drinking to get all my worries away, but i don't even know what my worries are.

2003-06-14T03:16:00.000-07:00

hello readers of my shit. i now wonder again who reads this. i wonder who stumbled onto the page and doesn't know who the hell mr enchilada is. well, this is harold's site. i wonder, if i asked for people to comment and say they read it, who wouldn't do it. what surprising people read my site? anyway, if all or most of what you know about me comes from this site, then you probably have created a very inaccurate representation of me.

i feel like being a very cynical and bitter man, angry at the world because people are stupid fucks. damn irrational beings. i just kind of slid into the mood. now don't take this too seriously, i'm sure it'll be gone by the next time i wake up. remember, a post on a blog is like a picture in that it only captures a small portion of the whole.

as i'm feeling now, i would like to bring hell to earth. i want it all to burn.

may you die in your sleep. hahahahahahahahahaha

it's been a while since a good ol' fasioned lynchin.

i hope i have entertained you.

2003-06-07T13:38:00.000-07:00

it is a difficult thing to forget. the burning has diminished but it still remains. i find it creeping into my thoughts occasionally. foul foul deed.

2003-05-27T19:49:00.000-07:00

assumptions. they create lots. hopefully, we have learned to verify rather than just rely on guesses. and do not speak on behalf of others unless explicitly asked to. you know, use better judgement. now i am glad that things turned out alright, as opposed to what could have happened.

a valuable resource most teenagers miss is composed of the older people around. most don't realize the wealth of information in each older person's mind. these people are the best to talk to because they have so much experience. throughout my life, I have started and kept communications with people significantly older than me. listen to these people for they have lived. they have been through many of the same things we have gone or will go through. sometimes i find it easier to talk to older people that aren't my parents. find yourself an interesting person and start asking questions. you'll be amazed at the truth you encounter. this is not to say that talking to your friends is worthless. your friends are also great, but don't skip this other resource.

now, do you see how in our society we pay for order in our time? without order we couldn't accomplish as much as we do now, supposedly. however, we do give up some of our time for this order. a good way of picturing it is to think of a common driving situation. you are driving down a street and you come upon a stoplight, the light is red. the red light indicates that it is the other street is free to cross the intersection. this keeps everything in order. at one point it will be your turn and then you will move on to accomplish your goals, however you must wait for this turn. while you wait, you are paying for order in time. the question is: is the order worth the time? does the time you save through order equal or surpass the time you give up? well, think more realistically. our system of order is grossly inefficient. think of our bureaucracy. and the more we grow, the more inefficient we become. yet that is the goal of our people: to unite and to centralize.

2003-05-15T21:36:00.000-07:00

bueno, mi vida a cambiado bastante. estaba tan feliz con la chica que tenia, pero todo eso esta perdido ahora. me dolio bastante cuando mi amigo me dijo lo que habia pasado. ahora no se exactamente que paso cuando yo me fui de viaje y no creo que hay manera de saber. no se quien creer. no puedo decidir entre los dos. pero creo que voy a tratar de olvidar todo esto y continuar con mi vida. voy a tratar de ser amigos con los dos pero me va tomar tiempo. por lo menos tengo amigos y familia que me an ayudado en esta situacion. y aprendi algo de la vida. gracias a todos que me an ayudado.

2003-05-11T22:50:00.000-07:00

and so things begin to look up. slowly it will get better.

2003-05-10T00:55:00.000-07:00

i don't know truth. i feel guilt as if i've done something wrong but i can't figure out what. it's always on my mind. distractions don't work. all i know is pain. i want it to stop. i want to know. why. i cant do anything. what did i do wrong. what is this payback for. these are my saddest times. i want an end. i miss the people i've lost. i dont know why ive lost. pain. why. it's worse everyday. one day it will be too much.

2003-05-08T17:04:00.000-07:00

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear my crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

2003-05-05T19:56:00.000-07:00

what a peachy day. just peachy.

2003-04-30T22:55:00.000-07:00

The philosophies and ideals we dream up are wonderful. Most of the time they work in theory, but not in practice. What many of us fail to recognize are the so common instances of irrationality that suddenly take hold of us. Remember those times when you know you're being irrational but enjoy it. It feels good. And you see being irrational as a right you hold, a right you hold as a human and therefore imperfect being, so screw you mister reasonable observer. I have no interest in overcoming these instances. Rather, I would like to live with them (well, some of them).

2003-04-28T02:27:00.000-07:00

i wish i understood the situation better. i don't even know what the problem is exactly, but based on what i know i will say something.

Elliot, you said that the problem with all of us is that we are not your friends because we do not protect you, in this case being against chris. I have not yet seen anything dangerous to protect you from. Now then, have any of us ever protected anyone else while they were being harassed by someone else of the group? Nick is harassed all the time, no one jumps in to save him. In fact, everyone is harassed, especially by chris. Chris is an interesting character and i don't think anyone takes what he says seriously. This is how he has always been. Supposedly he has threatened to physically harm you. I'm not sure where or when he said this. You said we could care less whether you're around and many things on how you think we feel towards you. Do you think we would still hang out with you if this were true? I am so afraid of you that apparently I've pretended this whole time to like you, to be your friend? I really am amazed how quickly you have obliterated our friendships with one fell swoop. Warhammer is fun but what is more important is the unity of the group we once used to form. It really seems as if you are breaking from us because we have failed to break away from chris. I agree with ryan in that I don't think your problem with chris is something i should involve myself with, especially since I know so little about it. I want to remain your friend.

on another note, my watch is still lost. i am not very happy over this.

2003-04-21T00:37:00.000-07:00

not a good thing

2003-04-15T21:18:00.000-07:00

i will be a rich, rich man in the future. so i really should find out who is going to ucsd so as to get a roommate that i won't need to have killed.

warhammer is fun. i have ordered more dudes. parents leaving for vegas. hooray for spring break. lots and lots of shindigs during spring break which should include some hackin' and smash. i have a monkey. the monkey reminds me of someone.

2003-03-27T17:40:00.000-08:00

i am harold, the center of the universe.
i'll post later.

poetry: here

2003-03-11T23:30:00.000-08:00

everything in the universe evens out. conservation of energy... something around there. for you to be happy, someone must be sad. for you to procure money, someone must lose it. for your luck (if there is such a thing) to be good, someone's luck must be bad. there is an equilibrium that is constant. you will risk it all and you will lose it all. stop the process and you defeat the chance that you could ever feel the overwhelming rapture of complete love. even if you try, love will find its way back into life. i found a new evolutionary function for love: if you deeply love someone you do not want to live without them so if that person dies, you no longer have the desire to live a long life. you die so that others may live and love and learn and cry and jump for joy.

2003-02-24T23:45:00.000-08:00

fortunately, life is better now.

went to joshua tree saturday for some rock climbin'. after a couple hours of exercise, we decided to have us a little bout of the paintball kind. this was my first time and it was great. pain isn't too bad. well, except when they get you somewhere you have no protection, such as the inside of your leg. bastards. then came the fun part. after getting back to the rocks the whole lot of us decided to head out on a quest for the tallest boulder mountain we could see. we got up, we started coming down, then came the darkness. so we were racing against the diminishing daylight, but to no avail. good 3 hours of straight climbing down the mountain in the dark, hoping to reach flat ground. every time you looked you up you saw something that looked like the figure of a person. it was getting pretty freaky up there. so silent, so remote. might have been faster if we had gone down the way we had come up. it was some crazy stuff. i'm all scratched up and the muscles ache like none other. finally reaching the car made me feel real good-like.

after this hardship/adventure, i was so relieved to have gotten out alive i forgot all my worries. all you pusses (vasilis, drew) that didn't come along missed out on a hell of a day. this weekend i'll have to play 40k w/the other homies. school em good.

2003-02-18T19:05:00.000-08:00

fuck.

I am now going to lay down and die.

2003-02-05T17:58:00.000-08:00

what a hell of a joyous senior year.

first semester has passed and now comes the lighter half... right? it is because the college applications and the tremendous pressure to not fail classes is gone, but it's still the same ol' crap. You have to remember that to be happy you must have been unhappy sometime before. if not, how can you know what happiness is? i'm not sure where i am right now. many of my previous troubles have been removed. now i don't exactly have new troubles, but the continuing ones have just replaced all the others. it seems as if things will go up from here, but i'm not too sure how long it will take. well, at least i can lessen the importance of school.

i found a book in the wastebasket of my english teacher. it's not too bad. it's actually funny, even though i'm not sure if it was meant to be. i especially like how the english regarded women some years back. i like how they still wore the pants in many families.

i wonder if i should go to sweethearts. the time is nigh but i don't know.

this site really does no benefit to others, as i see it. i wonder why anyone would read it. i wish i could provide something for your trouble. and i hope none of the things in here cause real trouble to those that do read it, unless of course i soberly intend it.

seems like unrest has ensued in one of my social circles. in a way i am glad that i had no part in it, however this chaos will cause awkwardness at the least. i don't think i should get involved, but that will prove to be difficult. i don't know.

you know, i just felt a twinge of happiness. i think it came from thinking about mayu. cool. except that she's not feeling too great currently. i tell you, caring for someone so much is a mixed blessing. it's disgusting not to be sick of someone after having spent so much time together. you are connected. one feels pain, so does the other. one is happy, so is the other. those who know not of this divine torture called love (although i know very little of it myself) will be flabbergasted when they trip and fall. i wish you as much luck as i have come by. and in a way, better luck, for the future holds uncertainty.

damned speakers, why will you not work?!

2003-01-12T01:46:00.000-08:00

I gots one question for you: who are you? to explain, i want to know who reads my nonsensical posts. Leave a comment with your name and what the meaning of life is.

looks like the college quest is leading me down to uc san diego, which is fine because a lot of my friends are going there and it's not a bad school. i'm hoping to get into berkely and/or harvey mudd. numero uno is harvey mudd, and, of course, it is also the hardest to get into. Monday i'm heading over to the school for an interview with an admissions dude. I've been there twice before and i made sure all the admissions people (all six of them) remember me. Hopefully my somewhat different personality will cover up the weaknesses in my application: gpa, sat2's, and letters of rec. college sucks even if i do get into harvey mudd or berkeley. so many problems....

so life has been hectic lately. i can't calm down until june either. i hate school.

at least mayu's car is getting fixed.

i love it when classes make you feel stupid. classes like physics and calculus. a guy with an 800 on math failed his last calculus quiz and probably did the same on his physics test. you can just see the self-esteem skyrocket. and of course it's all my fault because i refuse to put in the effort required. if i ever want to get into harvey mudd i have to get a's and b's this report card. i'm not sure how the hell i'll manage that. i'm usually pretty good at doing stuff like that, but it's much harder this year. i hate people. there's a quote i read that went a little someting like this "it is heroic to get through mean times without becoming mean-spirited". These mean times are definitely altering my spirit. i'm not sure, but now i feel like i am mean. before i was just playing around, now i'm irritated a lot. some people just need ass-whoopins.

i am envious of all the people who have already decided to go to lbcc. good job people.

until death do us part.

2002-12-13T16:41:00.000-08:00

into the fires of hell i go, marching, marching. look around, there are your friends hanging by their bloody hands. marching, marching. a giant lair, fire all around. there are those that came before you; there are the claw marks on the walls. marching, marching. look up, there is the light. it disappears. marching, marching. running, running. stop. can't stop, will fall. run. forget heaven, wish for purgatory. marching. need sleep. running. there is the gate. run. stop. fall. rest.

2002-12-04T23:04:00.000-08:00

i agree with jeff about the impaling, except everyday.

2002-11-28T17:30:00.000-08:00

when this life makes you mad enough to kill

when you feel you've had it up to here
cause you're mad enough to scream
but you're sad enough to tear

2002-11-13T23:27:00.000-08:00

do you ever get stuck in the sky? i do.

it's been a while since the sky took on such a great appearance. the sky is enchanting and awe-inspiring. don't just pass it by, take a nice, long look when it's like it was yesterday.

Yes, we are supposed to keep ourselves occupied. Your life is an opportunity like that of everyone else's. It's your decision what things you wish to do and accomplish with the time you have. Enjoy the hell out of it. Don't think about anything bigger. Don't waste your time thinking too much. Do what makes you feel good. You live for those great moments of happiness in life: when your friend falls into some cacti, when you find someone who truly cares for you, when you are complimented on something you think you did well, et al.

2002-11-12T18:38:00.000-08:00

I realized why I want to go camping so badly. Camping is fun, unlike life. It would be a nice, although temporary, escape. I need some happy pills. You know how they say teenagers go through mood swings? Yeah, it's true. How can life be so good and bad at the same time? You know, having other people feel the same way you do, even if it may be terrible, provides a small consolation. Let's suffer together. Has it been this way throughout the history of man? How in the hell did they survive? Love? Seems like the best answer right now. Too bad there are constraints on it. I'm ready to be out of these teenage years and off into the conforming adult world. The hell with the truth or the heavens, make me happy. I guess we're just supposed to keep ourselves occupied. Never free your mind because the depressing reality will come crashing down. I'm sure this is of no help to anyone. Sorry, I still haven't figured out the solution. If I could, I'd love to be the light in your day.

Like I said, let's keep to the simple things for the most part. I'll keep working on that solution for everybody.

Live, love, and laugh with me.

2002-11-10T22:10:00.000-08:00

Formal last night was unbelievably fun. My body was hurting this morning, but i'm feeling pretty good right now. So many people were in and out of my house last night. Let me explain... First of all, Garret and a girl came over to use the jacuzzi while I was at formal. I thought the house would be empty so I told them to come on over. My mom decided to stay home instead of gambling at my uncle's party, so she let them in. They left at around 11 and then Mayu, Niquie, Evan, and I arrived here at about 12:40. Elliot and Jenn also came over since they heard we were going to be here after formal. A little bit after we stepped inside the house, Elliot and Jenn left to go tie up loose ends. Before their return, Niquie began feeling ill and so asked Evan to take her home. So much for the original plan. But it was cool because the night still turned out good. Elliot and Jenn came back and went in the jacuzzi, while we retired to bed. Dancing is one of the best workouts out there. I was certainly drained and ready for some sleep. Unfortunately, I heard Elliot and Jenn come upstairs and was a bit worried that my parents might disapprove. I was wrong. My parents are awesome. All turned out well.

I must once again state that my rapture last night was incomprehensibly high. I must thank the guy handling the music for playing some spanish songs: right up my alley.

Senior year is progressing into a happier state. I think this is because I lightened up on the whole college thing. I am confident that I will go to a pretty good college. I wish I could spread my content, especially to a very special person.

Man, you don't know what is out there. Once you find it, it permeates every aspect of your life. Sometimes you wish you had never found it, yet you are happy that you did. Looking at myself through someone else's perspective I would deem myself insane.

I am afraid that I am too happy.

Broaden your horizons. Open your mind.

hey paizanos, it's the super mario brothers, super show

2002-10-30T23:33:00.000-08:00

I don't need anything that money can buy. Money burns my soul.

Hell of a day. Started out good at school. got crappier as the day progressed. Mayu was the good part of my day. everything else sucked terribly. i hate everybody.

Hopefully tomorrow will be brighter.

2002-10-20T16:47:00.000-07:00

so much passes through the mind and is lost. i wish i could remember all that i wanted to write. hopefully they will be remembered sometime, wether in a conversation or in contemplation.

life is good. i'm happy. weekend turned out good. warhammer next weekend. my hair smells funny.

2002-10-07T17:58:00.000-07:00

the last entry meant nothing and i am so much happier now.

2002-10-06T04:09:00.000-07:00

that's complete horse shit. jesus i'm pissed off. i just thought about something that bothers the hell out of me. i'm harold, i don't let anything piss me off. the fact that i care is fucking great. it's something that everyone must deal with but i don't see how they do it. every time it comes to mind i go off. what's even more fucked up is that i can't explain it here. oh i know how. but i can't. horse shit!!

don't comment on this

2002-10-06T03:21:00.000-07:00

frivolous, aren't we?
Should we be serious? Life is serious since it will be ending at some point, but levity is important. Laugh everyday and you're certain to live longer... that is if you're not hit by a car. That brings me to another point: we live life everyday knowing that at any point it could end. Don't think about how an airplane could fall exactly on your roof or, even more ridiculous, a trip down the stairs caused by a random shoe. With that same concept, have you ever thought about some fatal situation where something normally unimportant could save your life? Let's say you are stuck in a pit that is just too deep for you to climb out. You jump but your fingers miss the top edge by a mere two inches. A common English textbook could easily provide you with those two inches. You do not have the book, so you stay in the pit and dehydrate (you dehydrate long before you starve). It's the same thing with everything. Something simple could give you great benefit or the opposite. Do you ever think of how ridiculous that is? I don't know if you've been hit with how I see it. It's mind-boggling.

something takes a part of me

2002-09-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

I'm just feeling insanely super!

Since the mother and father left for Reno Monday, my life has been that much happier. No "do this Harold" or "wake up!". alright, i may not be taking care of things as much as before, but i'm having a damn good time. I thought that at one point I might start missing them, but it seems that I don't. I don't have to come home to sleep. I have a sweet pimpin' car and a generous allotment (that is slowly running out). Hell, I don't have to go to class. Yesterday I overslept because I got home at 6 in the morning and decided to have a nap. Woke up at 7:49 and just skipped first period. Today I hit my alarm, but didn't get up. Bad move. Then I woke up at 8, once again too late for second period. Back to sleep. Woke up at 9:50. Too late for fourth period. I love it. Now it's 10:46 and I'm planning on going to Physics. Score, I get to eat out for lunch.

move bitch
get out the way
get out the way, bitch - Ludacris

what are yoouu doing?

2002-09-18T18:58:00.000-07:00

so you see a beggar standing next to the traffic signal with a piece of cardboard detailing the usual mishaps, so you decide to take out that dollar and offer it. What a samaritan you are, giving away money towards a charitable cause. Wait, this money will last for say a meal, but then what? It's like feeding the deer in the park with the signs that explicitly forbide the feeding of deer. These deer become too used to easy food and after a certain point forget how to find food (supposedly). Giving homeless people money does not help them find jobs or some other secure way to care for their needs, yet you still feel better if you do. Of course things are never as clear-cut as this. One must realize that these people may not be able to find jobs because they are not competetive, due to age, disability, or any other condition that would hinder any work. How then do we solve this problem? I have no idea. That is why society is human; that is why we are human. That is why life exists. That is why many kill themselves. The only comfort i can give is hope. In this cruel and unjust world, there is hope. There will be a tomorrow, try to make it better. And if there is no tomorrow, you have nothing to worry about.

Busta Rhymes is the super pimp

bitch, call me the mayor - JD

2002-09-15T14:39:00.000-07:00

"every tear you drop is a cup of blood squeezed out of my heart"

2002-09-11T00:03:00.000-07:00

hey guys, how's it going?

school started last week and once again through my incredibly good fortune, I am still in AP English. I didn't even finish the summer reading but Pigott enjoyed my essay, which I wrote with no sleep the night before, so my foot is still in the door. The work that will be required for this class finally sunk in. This year is going to be good times alright. Actually, I think much fun is to be had.

Government is going to be a breeze. Japanese will go the same way. I'm glad my main man Vasilis is in there. We got to know each other last year in Japanese 5-6 and he made a good impression on me. Interestingly, Niquie is also in the class. Funny character. Funny to bother that is. She has become my pseudo-enemy. It used to be Jessica, yet through some higher power we turned into Beef Buddies? Crazy white people I tell ya.

Today... yeah... stuff happened today... lots of stuff.

Oh my good whiteys, you are all isolated from me within your games. I am the only one in the group that is not a gamer. Sometimes I just feel out of place. We cannot cease our smashin' or 40k lest I slowly fade away from the band. Now that school has started I have even less time than before but I will try to attend planned events. And I must apologize to Elliot for having him always call people and arrange these things.

And last but not least: where did all this oil come from?

2002-09-08T00:59:00.000-07:00

puzzle, big puzzle

2002-08-24T03:32:00.000-07:00

so i went running the other morning with a couple compadres. exercise is excellent. i know this entry is completely blasphemous of my usual thoughts. if only i had the discipline to wake up at a descent hour in the morning and start a nice run. discipline and responsibility, what alien concepts. My childhood has left me a lazy son of a bitch. I only got through school with luck and cunning. If you know me then you know I'm late for most things. Terrible habit, although it comes with the race. I do feel bad whenever I'm late but I just say to myself it will be different next time. The mind is powerful, but you can trick it. Keep delaying thoughts in your mind until they are forgotten. Then your conscience can't annoy you. I realize most of the things I do wrong but instead of correcting myself I side with being wrong. I know I am wrong but it's something I can live with. This works every time. But start thinking about these things as I am doing now and you become uncertain. Doubt your motto of "screw it, i'm doing the wrong thing but i don't care". Makes one wanna change...

2002-08-19T23:19:00.000-07:00

The internet still evades me. Only through others can I update this site. It will remain this way for some time. In other news, I have a car. Not the BMW. My car. A few weeks after the car was bought a problem was encountered: the fan hit the alternator. After countless hours of litigation our money was returned and my dad was a happier man ready to once again sink into debt. So I progressed from one German roadster to another. Now I am the proud owner of a Mercedes-Benz SLK 320.

Can such portentous weather be a coincidence? I think not. The gloom outside matches the coming of school. This year I am more terrified than ever. But why? May be because my schedule is horrendous. Horrendous in the sense that after getting home at around 5 everyday, I will have a good 2-3 hours of work. Maybe not so bad, but with my procrastination it's hard to imagine how any of it will ever get done. Of course we must remember my amazing feats of school years past. Until now, my greatest accomplishment has to be the 0% in Deamer's class upgraded to an A. The other changes were also works of art. Sometime I will put my progress report grades along with the final outcomes.

Well fellahin, I presume we'll be crossing paths sometime soon.

2002-07-23T16:41:00.000-07:00

implode!

2002-07-23T16:40:00.000-07:00

everything is fine, except for this ulcer! no, it's not an ulcer but my stomach is dying. good thing i'm not alone, my mexican brother here (chris s) has also been afflicted. good lord, moving hurts.

tv now boring. need stick car. hungry. startin fuckin fires!

my entire school career has taught me how to do the minimum and yet pass near the top. if only i could boast of my many accomplishments to colleges and universities.

good day.

2002-07-17T16:00:00.000-07:00

i just got out of class, class in summer? terrible indeed.

so i'm not the happy fiddler. i think it started yesterday, just not too sure when. what i do remember is having the built up anger inside at one point. this is just the result of lots of little things coming together. interesting how nothing bad has happened to me but i still manage to get angry. i think about life and life is good, very good. last night i thought the bad mood would pass with a good 12 hour sleep, but i woke up the same this morning. hmmmmm. i'm going to blame this one on not being able to use my car and lack of internet. hopefully the car issue will be resolved in around 2 weeks, but may last much longer. convinced my dad to get dsl back but not until october. didn't think i cared much about the car but i guess it's causing stress. now i have to go through the ordeal of searching for a car. i'm sure lots of you out there want to smack me because of how fortunate i am to have so many options. believe me, it's not as fun as it seems. frankly, i would have been happier with my dad's old car.

more money, more problems.

good day to you

2002-07-12T21:36:00.000-07:00

my dad canceled the dsl. now i must rely on hobos for internet. hopefully i'll get back on sometime soon.

2002-06-26T22:55:00.000-07:00

inka kola is the best soda ever

jesus! $5 for ice cream?! highway robbery i tell ya

my dad wants to take away that oh-so-helpful dsl. what can i say? nothing. he has a point, he already bought me the beamer. he can pretty much take away as much as he wants right now. wait, i don't have a modem in this computer. i guess i'll just have to steal one from somewhere.

i was acquiring money from the atm for the second time today and i noticed something pleasant. i thought the amount left was going to be low but instead it was a satisfactory amount. seems my dad forgot to take out money that he had put in there a while back. or he might just have decided to leave it in there. what a guy. so now i'm not so worried about emptying out my account, but i really do think i should continue my saving. lately, my frivolous spending has skyrocketed, while my source of income is slowly depleting. really want that mexican job now. can't decide if i want to spend the cash for the fedora. it's difficult to reason out buying things with no critical use whatsoever. but sometimes i find it hard to buy necessary items, such as food.

can't get that $8,000 super crazy ninja t.v. out of my head. i'm pretty sure it's the same tv god has.

2002-06-25T23:53:00.000-07:00

asi es maria, caliente y fria

pretty nice 40k game today at elliot's. i guess things are back on track. jeez, allocating time is tough.

i'd like to get some kind of mexican job. make money and get some exercise.

who wants to wash my car?

padrino by smashmouth is a kickass song

2002-06-25T01:48:00.000-07:00

jesus, my room smells so bad. i left a plate of food in here last night. but back to the other stuff, we have plenty of time to get in some good gamin/movie shindigs so relax and think about what there is to come.

i want to go to ozzfest...

2002-06-23T23:35:00.000-07:00

Alright, the movie night wasn't all too great for the other people. I apologize, again. It was just a bad one, but the next one should be better. And goddammit everybody stop bitching. Not all that nice, but I had to get it out of my system. I'll return to my normal self soon enough. And dammit, I'm not scapegoat. Nick still has that title. not done but sleepy...

2002-06-20T01:31:00.000-07:00

To all those who were disappointed by my absence last night, I apologize. I had affirmed my presence, I know. But due to spontaneous events I was unable to attend the designated shindig. Once again I apologize, but must also stress that I had a more than satisfactory reason for my seemingly traitorous behavior. I fully intend to redeem myself at a meeting this weekend. I am partly elated by the condoning the mighty Jeff has done. Thank ya suh. Hopefully, the rest will follow.

2002-06-16T17:36:00.000-07:00

damn, i feel all weird. i just woke up and its 5:10 pm. i was over at my brother's new bachelor pad and we commenced the gambling. stayed up til 4 then crashed on the couch. freakin dad stayed up all night watching soccer games then woke us all up to go eat at 6:30. got home and slept at 8. and that's why i am here like this.

been driving the bmw quite a bit. getting better at it. fast as hell.

i'm gonna buy me a fedora

2002-06-12T23:56:00.000-07:00

here's my day:
took chem and pre-cal final beat em down undercover brother-style. didn't know what my plan was for after school but all worked out. went to mayu's to watch enemy at the gates w/some other hobos then i got to graduation at 5:40 when i should have been there around 4:45. i winged the entire ceremony and just took a small scolding for being late. after 2:30 hours of pure cold and boredom the deal was over and francis marshall dura david liz and i went to norm's for some eatins. had a good breakfast. got home started taking off tux when out of nowhere my nose starts to bleed. nearly got my shirt but luckily i made some quick movements and had the leak contained. bunch of blood in the sink and on tissues. yeah, fun stuff. now need sleep cause only got an hour last night.

tomorrow is gonna be great. last day of school for me and so many things to do.

2002-06-06T22:19:00.000-07:00

busta, what it is right now?

what a deep and complicated question, well i'll do my best. i took out the beamer yesterday to practice, could still use more practice. i'm gonna get my license soon, but not sure when. such a great combination: summer, driving, mayu. all weaving together very nicely to reach a pinnacle of happiness. by the way, i have no friends. haha. game day in japanese tuesday, cuz ell is bringin his gamecube, greekman prolly his xbox, and there's gonna be magic everywhere. SCORE. i invite you to visit us and be ready to have your ass handed to you. not doing anything academic monday and tuesday.

gotta buy Undercover Brother soundtrack. disco, hellz yeah.

let's send this last weekend before school ends packing w/some fun adventures. who's with me?

2002-06-01T12:56:00.000-07:00

ain't got no job, but i stay sharp

Good times, good times indeed. So we finally bought my much anticipated automobile. I would have to say it's at least adequate. Let me give you the specs: 2000 M Roadster, metallic blue, 5-speed, blue and black leather interior, 12k miles, cd player, and you know, all that good stuff. You really have to see it to appreciate all its greatness. I'm still dumbfounded by the fact that its sitting in my garage right now. Sure will be nice to drive it sometime, but no I have to wait for my license. Hopefully I'll be getting that next week. I'll probably manage to take it to school a couple times, but the passenger seat is already taken so no can do. The best part about this car is the insurance and gas. First off, you have to put premium gas in this car, so that'll be just a bit more. Second, the insurance is going to kill my dad. He might end up paying monthly as much for insurance as he is for the car. Sounds like I'm getting a job.

But besides the car, even better things are happening. Things are just getting better and better.

I'm bouncing off the walls again

2002-05-27T15:35:00.000-07:00

You arrive at LAX around 1:20 after three days in a god-forsaken desert. You've missed Long Beach all these days. You've missed all its kind and unique inhabitants, especially a certain someone. I walked into the huge complex and was immediately greeted by familiar arab faces. God bless those arabs and hindus, they make me feel at home. I know I'm home once I see all the variety.

I'll continue this soon enough...

2002-05-20T20:05:00.000-07:00

It's a hard knock life for us...

naw, not in all senses. summer (not the season) has planted her disease in me and its starting to take effect. don't feel all too great, but then i think about grades and that just helps immensely. i didn't realize how little time we have to raise grades. damn........ damn. hopefully it'll work out like it has in the past. trivial dilemmas aside, other things are just magnificent. truly, i feel shitty right now, but that's just the cold. One person today just made the day much better, not the cold nor the grades nor anything else could compete. I used to be content, now i'm more than that. i now see the next stage and i like it, i like it a lot.

getting a car soon enough... think my dad saw one "appropriate" for me. it was a blue 94 325 bmw, i think. sounds like a plan, but i'm still not giving up on the others on my list. the search continues. i now have more want for a car than ever...

finally got pics from view point invading my home: crazyness

thanx to lyzz and her illustrious work

2002-05-17T15:42:00.000-07:00

Yes, only an hour per week will save you from a fiery underworld. Only an hour? Just once a week? Why sure, I'll make that trade. Think of a man who needs his house built but has no money. This man asks his neighbors to help him with just a bit of the work. Each man can put in his hour of work and as long as everyone contributes, the house will be finished. The owner just acquired an hour times the number of peope who worked. Lets say the man wanted some other task done, would you give an hour of work? Of course, it would allow your benevolence to show and provide you with self-satisfaction. You would do it even if you didn't know what the work added up to. You must be courteous. Now the man is God and you do not know what he plans on, but you will give up an hour of every week of your life. What are you getting in return? An unregulated promise? After you die, there may be nothing. You get nothing. But you already gave part of your life. No thanks, I'll keep my hour.

Not to say religion isn't a great way to keep people's behavior and amount under control.

Friday, score. Let the adventures begin.

This fortune cookie just said "You love sports, horses and gambling but not to excess." Not exactly... but I like how assertive it is instead of the usual vagueness that comes true if you think about it enough.

Fortune Cookies are the best, along w/elves.

2002-05-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

my computer privileges have been negated. that is why i am not online very often. call my cell at 882-6615 if you need me.

2002-05-02T20:19:00.000-07:00

I apologize for that last bit of patter. I just wanted to reminisce about the good times I had. And now to make room for more adventure.

Mr Enchilada is soon to have a car. Sometime soon, just need that detestable driver's training to go through. Now I've moved on to thinking about a 91 and on Corvette. I figured a classic would take too much effort, so I need newer. I'd love to drive around in a pimped-out Impala, but the maintenace is too much. Once I start drving, I will give no one rides! Actually, if I do get a Corvette it can only fit 2. If you need a ride, space is limited. Or just don't ask... unless you got gas money... or grass... or you know.... But really if you ever need to go somewhere, if I can, I'll help. Especially for a few people that I really owe.

Damn it feels good to be a gangster. Great song.

go rob zombie

2002-04-27T23:59:00.000-07:00

Been a while. Let me start from the beginning.

Last Thursday, Garret and I raided Regency on Carson. A couple nights earlier, we found that the construction workers left the doors open after their day's work, so we decided to come back to loot. So we got in Garret's 64 Starfire and made our way to the theatre. We had the necessary tools: flashlight, screwdriver, crowbar... yeah... we had it all. For our troubles we arrived at my house with 4 exits signs, some door signs, and something that looked like a fire extinguisher but had pressurized water inside. Once inside, you feel like you are all alone in the world. Where the theatres used to be, the roofs are completely gone. High above you could see giant ventilation shafts hanging down by single, thin wires. Sheer incredibleness.

The next day was poker night. Right after school Jack and Jeff came over to hang out, but they left a little after Robby and Brandon got there. Then people just started appearing. Near 9:00, there were about 20. Sometime around there, the boxing began in my backyard. Some pretty good bouts, but of course no one dared challenge me. The best part was seeing Danny in a wife-beater. After the boxing, the gambling started. At first we had a table of 6, but then more people wanted to play. Another table of about 8 was put in the back room. Lots of cash going around. Everyone except Brandon was gone by about 2. I broke out even.

Saturday or Sunday, I’m not too sure which day, Chris picked Brandon, Robby, and me up in the Mercedes. Then we decided to bother some people. I think we did a good job of it. Too bad some people weren’t as appreciative of our visits. When I get my car, I’m going to randomly stop at everyone’s house that I know of. If I get to your house and tell you we’re going somewhere, come along quickly. Be spontaneous.

Then some stuff happened that’s fuzzy.

Yesterday, poker night was held at Isaac’s house. His mom was away for the weekend so we used that opportunity to do our gambling. Isaac had even more people than last time, but they all found where to fit. Some [-cuh-]’s took their computers and set up a network for cs. The boxing started again, but this time it was planned in Isaac’s neighbor’s backyard because it was bigger. Some people hopped the wall, others just watched over the wall. A couple matches went until we started hearing sirens, so we had to get back in Isaac’s garage. ghetto. The rest of the fights were just in a small space. Some blood was spilt. Couple bloody noses, couple mouths bleeding. crazy. A grip of us spent the night, luckily I got a couch. Damn dad picked me up at 7:30 this morning.

I know I’ve left things out, but I can’t remember what. I’m sure that’s enough reading.

Damn opportunity cost, always having to choose.

2002-04-16T23:03:00.000-07:00

Addicted gamblers, poker night has been moved to Friday. My parents left for Vegas this morning and come back Saturday, so I think Friday is better for poker. So cancel whatever plans you already made and bring your money to my house around 7. If you wanna bring food, I won't mind. If you wanna bring strippers... much appreciated.

Staying home without parents is all its made out to be.

Dammit, I can't leave comments on all these new Xanga sites without becoming a member. I am not going to become a member.

2002-04-14T00:42:00.000-07:00

I just got back from our second poker night. Before I got to Chris', I went for a joyride down to Cerritos Mall. Much was accomplished. Anyway... down like $20.... but hell, I had fun so it's cool. Besides, I'm only spending my dad's money. That s.o.b. Isaac won like $50 or $60. He won last time too. Well, I gotta recuperate this coming Saturday. We're gonna have it here, so if you need directions or something get ahold of me. Kenny, you missed out on some reminiscing for our Longfellow and Hughes days.

10:21pm 3/17/02 CNN headline:
Hindu Mob Violence set off when Muslim family rumored to have killed a cow.

2002-04-09T22:09:00.000-07:00

Alright, look, I am proud of the panda love between Brandon and I. It is something very special we have together. Ok, now either I or someone must show him this site. And since I'm on the topic, Chris Samayoa (damn mexican that looks like a white man) loves the gay midget porn. Loves it.

Well back to life... Danny's party was great. He had all the Mexican fixin's, even a pinata. Good job man. And we closed off the night with some good old fashioned poker. I was down a good amount of money, but in the end I got it all back and made an amazing profit of $3. I wish I could have stayed longer, but my ride was there. Well this Saturday we're going to have another poker night with some higher wages. Sounds like the start of a new profound habit.

So really, where the hell is my mule and forty acres?!

I finally found a quote that describes my life. "Now you can tell from my everyday fits I ain't rich, so cease and desist with them tricks. I'm just another black man caught up in the mix, tryin to make a dollar out of fifteen cents."

2002-04-04T15:00:00.000-08:00

I'm just sitting in my room
with a needle in my hand
waiting for the tomb
of some old dying man

Last night was super game day at Ell's. We got around to pretty much everything. Chris M. and I were gamin on the others, and I managed to kill Jeff a few times so I was content. Well Jeff and I had a giant clash. Amazing game. I am supreme. Good job dude.

I will put it to rest... for now. But it will not be forgotten.

I've seen Blade II twice. I do believe I win.

2002-04-02T01:16:00.000-08:00

Saw Blade II again Friday. Like twenty of us went. We had to use three rows. Then saw Training Day. Saturday, saw half of Dogma and most of Memento. Sunday went to a beach w/Beaner-man and my second family. Kenny man, ya missed out on some good tree-climbing and rock-jumping (my now official sports). Today went to mall w/Beaner-man, then went to Ell's til 12. Almost bought some gangster Dadas, but they didn't have my size. So I had to settle for some less gangster Lugz. Well I'll just rely on my already gangster appearance to fit in. Been keeping busy. Still more to go.

Brain was put to good use this weekend. Life sure does take quick turns.

And if ever in Georgia, remember you have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words.

2002-03-23T02:39:00.000-08:00

Yeah guys and gals life is going well. Just saw Blade 2. So freaking great. Everyone must see it. Nothing but action with Blade kicking major ass. I'm definitely gonna watch it a few more times and buy it. Great way to start the weekend. Best Friday I've had in a while, not to say the other ones haven't been congenial.

Jeff drives slow... hahaha... but he still has my respect for his foozball skills and how he got his license by driving a few minutes the night before the test.

Don't forget to read Women 101 in the last post.

2002-03-20T23:17:00.000-08:00

Well guys. It's Wednesday or some damn day. I'm not too sure, but I know the weekend is coming. Score!

I was looking at this 68 Mercury Cougar, very nice looking. Right Here My dad has given it his blessing, so it is in the list. We're gonna go look at cars Sunday. Maybe we'll see something and just get it. I just love the way my dad shops. No thinking required.

Did yal like my last comment? Yeah, all you people are very fine portions of meat animated by souls. I am glad I have you as friends. Bravo Elliot and all of you that responded. All your love brings me much joy.

Women 101
ELEMENT:Women
SYMBOL:Wo
ATOMIC MASS:Widely accepted at 100 pounds, but known to varies from 80 to 200 pounds per sample.
Physical Properties
1 Surface usually covered with a false color layer
2.Boils suddenly at nothing; Freezes without known reason
3.Melts if given special treatment
4.Bitter if incorrectly treated
5.Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
6.Yields if pressure applied in correct places
7.Able to produce a mysterious salty liquid that could render a grown male powerless
Chemical Properties
1.Has great affinity for gold, platinum, and a wide range of precious stones
2.Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3.May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no logical reason
4.Insoluble in liquids, but actively increases greatly in saturation of alcohol
5.Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man

2002-03-14T22:06:00.000-08:00

I am a Jackass and I want to apologize to a few people, but to everyone else (Chris, Brandon, Levi, Elliot, Jeff, Ryan...and so on), read carefully now, Fuuck You.

2002-03-11T22:03:00.000-08:00

Nick, I’ve decided we’re even. You may go in peace. Now about the Game Cube, that’s out of my hands. Now I have a new dire hatred, Lucas. Die Lucas, die, in burning hell.

I’m going to the Green Day concert. Score.

I still can’t find the cash I misplaced. Damn. From now on, I’m going to put my money in an easily accessible place. Care to come over and find my money? I would be very grateful.

Don’t you like finding new money in your pocket? Always nice.

So girls respect their friends... girls will lash out at girlfriends very quickly.

Does this place seem like it only contains trivial comments. Well it does. I just don’t feel like writing about things like my problems and such. The rest of the world is filled with problems, so I’m going to keep my bitching at a minimum. Only sometimes will I start ranting on certain things. So enjoy my thoughts.

According to The Lazy Test, I am 94% lazy. That's about right.

2002-03-05T22:53:00.000-08:00

I ditched Precal again today. This is becoming a habit. I ditched on Monday too. I also ditched the Tuesday last week and the Friday of the week before that. And there are many more times. I also ditched Chemistry Friday. I am having so much fun ditching, but I'm thinking it has to stop soon or I'm going to get the worst beating from my dad. I'm glad they get here at 7:30, so I can just pick up the phone and cuss at the message from Poly. Well, I used to be a descent student, but now I just don't care. It's that damn white music I tell you. Alright, so starting Thursday I will no longer ditch Precal. Hopefully.

Man, I just put Tenacious D on really loud, and the parents heard all of it. Hilarious shit. I'm glad they don't care at all. So I can listen to the rap and Adam Sandler too.

This post goes out to my good friend Dirty. Keep on pimpin.

2002-02-28T17:31:00.000-08:00

What a dilemma. I need someone to help me out. This is one of those times when you need to have psychic powers. I tell you, life just wants to get complicated.

Today I did my play for Leaney. I had the perfect part, a drunken redneck. Even though Chris G. kicked me in the nuts (accidentally, I think), it was good. Leaney ended up calling me in Inui's because I was typing my homework last minute. She was angry, really angry. Almost failed me. Like Brandon. But the play was so good it won her over and she forgot all about it.

Movie marathon Saturday. Jay & Silent Bob, Office Space, and we need some more.

2002-02-23T13:31:00.000-08:00

Great start. Good get-together at Nick's, for the second time ever. Ate his food, trashed his house, and degraded my vision just a bit more. For the seven of us, we left 13 empty Dew cans. Not very good. Usually four of us leave that much. And also I had three hours of sleep. Could have slept more but those bastards woke me up. No soccer this time though.

About 12, we decided it was time for our walk. We headed over across Carson, but soon after we were approached by the po-lice. I was walking with my blanket around me so the cop thought I was crazy but I used my jackass humor to get out of that situation. On the way Jack stole a plastic owl from someone's fence. Good thing he left it in the middle of a street somewhere or else I think the cop might have given us trouble.

So Jeff, where were you?

You ever notice how alike Chin Check and Lay Low sound?

2002-02-19T23:36:00.000-08:00

Too much food. I'm in pain. That Nick character always played it well, pretending never to have food. Well, I found delicious shrimp and ice cream. Quickly all go to his house, he lives on the corner of Bixby and Jotham Pl. I sure hope he reads this.

Something about Friday, something something, i'll see you there.

One day, I'll be ruler, one day.

2002-02-18T18:11:00.000-08:00

Wondering why you can't see the pictures anymore, me too. Actually Totran said the place that hosts em is down, so no more for a while.

Snowboarding was fun, been hurting real bad these two days. I wish those places were closer, so I could go more often. And a license would probably help.

Thuy: you aren't going to Cancun? Not cool. But I know a lot of people that have decided to go on their own ventures, and I am considering some of them. Well good luck on your own road trip.

Time to read Huck Finn.
Jeez, how am I gonna face Deamer tomorrow. Been ditching whole last week, such a bad kid. She's gonna tear me apart. Maybe I'll blame it on Chris somehow...

2002-02-15T17:17:00.000-08:00

Oye mi amor, no me digas que no.
Y vamos juntando los cuerpos...

Great spanish rock.

Well I leave tonight for Big Bear. Gonna be doing some snowboarding, hopefully not too many injuries. Then back Saturday night.

3-day weekend, again, sweet.

2002-02-12T21:42:00.000-08:00

Alright, here's my cell phone number: 882-6615. I'm too lazy to give it to people individually.

Report cards came. Thought it'd be bad, but my dad was alright with my one C. Seems like my future car has not been downgraded.

Man, Sunday night on my way to the dance, I convinced this girl that I was Italian. Funniest damn thing. She still doesn't know the truth.

Damn, been ditching Leaney's because I haven't been reading Huck Finn. I gotta get up to 225 or something by tomorrow. I really should get reading... really should... too lazy... time for some relaxation in the jacuzzi.

Link: how I wanna go out

2002-02-08T18:55:00.000-08:00

Take the "Which
Nationality Are You?" test at OuchCryManson

Hahahaha

This is how I wanna go out

2002-02-03T23:32:00.000-08:00

If you saw my cd collection, you'd think I was confused about my race.

A timeless truth: "The bigger the boobs, the smaller the brain"
-according to Kelso of course

Please, stop the hate crimes, but continue the jokes.

2002-02-02T00:11:00.000-08:00

I need cereal to live, but all I need to live is cereal.

Think about that next time you're high.

2002-01-27T18:46:00.000-08:00

When the weight of the world has got you down
and you wanna end your own life
bills to pay, a dead end job,
and problems with the wife,
but don't throw in the towel
cause theres a place right down the block
where you can drink your misery away...

At Flaming ,let's all go to Flaming Moe's
let's all go to Flaming Moe's
when liquor in a mug,
can warm you like a hug
And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away,
Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away

Thuy is so cool and special and nice and such. Hi Thuy, this was for you in your time of boredom.

2002-01-27T00:11:00.000-08:00

The clowns.... they're coming up behind u.... mwhahaha

Good weekend so far. Totran, sorry I couldn't go to the deal, but I couldn't get a ride. Please don't hurt me... I fear for my life.

That is some great popcorn.

Jeez, I gotta get vacuuming soon. I can no longer see my toes.

Current House Temperature: 51

2002-01-23T17:14:00.000-08:00

Alright then. So two more days before the weekend. Tomorrow's gonna be nice, I only have my Japanese final. No second period... mwhahaha. But I will be going early anyway because I need to raise the Japanese grade. I guess I'll just have to beg like the others.

Alright, what are we doing this weekend to celebrate finals are over? Underwear party? Kegger? Hell, it doesn't matter. People will probably just make their way over here. Bastards, bring food this time.

Damn, damn, damn, can't drive til May, dammit! I guess I should have taken that permit test sooner. Just gotta find me a scapegoat. Any volunteers? I guess the usual will do, that God fella is getting a little irritated though, so maybe I'll lay off.

Anyway, I'm thinking about a 450SL Mercedes as my pimpmobile, besides the one on the left of course. But I've been reading that parts are expensive, so I'm not too sure about this one. They look really nice, but I'm not rich.

Good luck on those finals, just don't get higher than me.

2002-01-21T22:49:00.000-08:00

there are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count
and those who cant.

2002-01-14T21:49:00.000-08:00

Ha! Take that you s.o.b. I finally beat Joe & Mac. What a classic game.

Anyway, what a great weekend that turned out to be. No homework done whatsoever. I hope your weekend was as good as mine. If not, make it up this weekend, hell I'll even help ya.

Well, I finally realized how much of my parent's money I've spent on CRAP. I just want to apologize to them, but they'll never see this site. Jeez, when you're a kid and there's something you really want, you just bother your parents. Well, I wasn't too bad, but I still did use good money that could have gone for something much better. Good ol' parents just trying to please the small one. I'm sure it'll all come back to me if I have kids, so the cycle will keep going... And one day, we'll all learn the true value of a dollar.

Those people on Jackass are pure genius and pure dumbass. Anyhow, they're doing God's work, so keep it up people. Your sufferings bring me joy.

Remember, hat day tomorrow, bring a crazy hat.

2002-01-11T17:24:00.000-08:00

A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor for a physical.

The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, “Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?”

And the man says, “Oh me and God? We’re tight. We have a real bond, he’s good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off.”

Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished.

He called the man’s wife and said, “I’d like to speak to you about your husband’s connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns if off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?”

And she says, “That idiot, he’s been peeing in the refrigerator!”

2002-01-09T22:35:00.000-08:00

Well, Wednesday already... good. Just tomorrow and its Friday, adventure night.

Elliot, what was that thing i said i was gonna write on here, i seem to have forgotten.

Seems some stories involving my name and the word "masher" have been going around. Pure lies! Trust me, I'm as much a masher as I am a pothead.

Sweet Jesus, Thuy you write too much. Simplify maaan

Keep your spirit, only 2 days til weekend.

And be there, you bastard.

Thought is real; physical is the illusion.

---------------------------------------------
On a another note, a great dude has died. He was a fine Japanese teacher and a nice guy. He was also funny and a bit cynical, but it was good. Death surprises us all, but I guess his number was up.

I salute you Mr. Carr and wish you are having a good time wherever you are, i'll see ya again in some decades.

2002-01-06T02:14:00.000-08:00

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo. I really don't want to go back. These two weeks just didn't cut it. Sure I've had a good time, but there is so much more to do. I never got to go to the boneyard or even to the moon. But now we have one day to wrap up this long holiday. And if you're like me, god help you, you've put off your homework for a while now. Great, now I have to spend my last free day doing homework. Why does god tease me like this?

One day it will all change....... well maybe not.

Learn to laugh at yourself and you will never cease to be entertained.